tonight, i am so tired, frustrated, and i feel ugly because i look haggard. i've been going around singapore looking for a job again, this time with joseph and ferron. countless rejections, but some gave us hope.
anyway, it's mother's day today. happy mother's day to all mothers especially to my very own.
my sister sms-ed me and requested me to go home because it's her 'debut' also. she told me defer my 'tipid' mode next time. i admit, i haven't taken into account her 18th birthday while i was planning my summer holidays at the start of the year. even then i knew i won't be going home because i was determined to work to earn extra cash. and because of the fact that i'm not going home, i've said yes to some commitments already, such as rr and rochelle's debut on may 29 and being a full-time councilor in KR's freshmen welcome orientation camp in late july. i already gave them my word and it's hard to take it back.
now i still haven't found a job, still haven't practiced for the modern dance for the debut, still keeps on missing youth meetings, still screwing up despite the efforts of trying to have a direction in life by trying to have a fruitful summer.
the honest answer to why i am looking for a job is the $$$. i want to buy things. i want to buy things for myself, for my siblings, and for my parents. i want to be able to treat my family to dinner by using my own UOB visa debit card. i want to show my parents that i can stand up on my own, that i have grown independent. i want them to be proud of me for taking the courage to go out of my comfort zone and try how it is like in the real world where your wants aren't served in a silver platter. i could have just went home with ivy with what's left of my allowance for the recently concluded semester, but no. i will be using that money for my hall vacation stay instead, supplemented by what i loaned from kuya pheng and from my tito aldwin. so right now i am so broke. but that's life. i have to be broke first before i can earn money.
this is the most thick-faced i've ever been in my whole life, learning to talk to people of different shapes, sizes, and colors and asking them the same thing: a job. i think i'm so into this whole thing already that i have reached the point of no return. though a while ago after reading my sister's sms, it crossed my mind to just give up and go home, relax, and enjoy my summer holidays watching tv, movies, and bumming around at home because there we have our house helpers to do stuff i do for myself here. but sooner or later i would still have to face the 'real world' again, and i've already decided to make this summer as a training ground so i'll be prepared.
but last night i cried. i cried because i suddenly missed my family.
and tonight i cried. i cried because i will be missing sundeep. yes i will be missing that bloke because he's flying home to mauritius later. whenever i am stressed he gives me a big bear hug that drowns my blues away. suddenly it just dawned on me that it will be quite a while until he will be able to that again. there will be no one to greet me in KR when i come back from work or from wherever. he will be away for 3 months and that is even longer than we've been together so far. i was trying to shrug those freaking tears away by always looking up so they won't cascade down my cheeks, but they are just too stubborn and even made a well out of my eyes.
i miss my family. i miss sundeep even though right now he's still only a few blocks away from where i'm typing this post.
my summer is starting to get less sunshiney day by day.
anyway, it's mother's day today. happy mother's day to all mothers especially to my very own.
my sister sms-ed me and requested me to go home because it's her 'debut' also. she told me defer my 'tipid' mode next time. i admit, i haven't taken into account her 18th birthday while i was planning my summer holidays at the start of the year. even then i knew i won't be going home because i was determined to work to earn extra cash. and because of the fact that i'm not going home, i've said yes to some commitments already, such as rr and rochelle's debut on may 29 and being a full-time councilor in KR's freshmen welcome orientation camp in late july. i already gave them my word and it's hard to take it back.
now i still haven't found a job, still haven't practiced for the modern dance for the debut, still keeps on missing youth meetings, still screwing up despite the efforts of trying to have a direction in life by trying to have a fruitful summer.
the honest answer to why i am looking for a job is the $$$. i want to buy things. i want to buy things for myself, for my siblings, and for my parents. i want to be able to treat my family to dinner by using my own UOB visa debit card. i want to show my parents that i can stand up on my own, that i have grown independent. i want them to be proud of me for taking the courage to go out of my comfort zone and try how it is like in the real world where your wants aren't served in a silver platter. i could have just went home with ivy with what's left of my allowance for the recently concluded semester, but no. i will be using that money for my hall vacation stay instead, supplemented by what i loaned from kuya pheng and from my tito aldwin. so right now i am so broke. but that's life. i have to be broke first before i can earn money.
this is the most thick-faced i've ever been in my whole life, learning to talk to people of different shapes, sizes, and colors and asking them the same thing: a job. i think i'm so into this whole thing already that i have reached the point of no return. though a while ago after reading my sister's sms, it crossed my mind to just give up and go home, relax, and enjoy my summer holidays watching tv, movies, and bumming around at home because there we have our house helpers to do stuff i do for myself here. but sooner or later i would still have to face the 'real world' again, and i've already decided to make this summer as a training ground so i'll be prepared.
but last night i cried. i cried because i suddenly missed my family.
and tonight i cried. i cried because i will be missing sundeep. yes i will be missing that bloke because he's flying home to mauritius later. whenever i am stressed he gives me a big bear hug that drowns my blues away. suddenly it just dawned on me that it will be quite a while until he will be able to that again. there will be no one to greet me in KR when i come back from work or from wherever. he will be away for 3 months and that is even longer than we've been together so far. i was trying to shrug those freaking tears away by always looking up so they won't cascade down my cheeks, but they are just too stubborn and even made a well out of my eyes.
i miss my family. i miss sundeep even though right now he's still only a few blocks away from where i'm typing this post.
my summer is starting to get less sunshiney day by day.
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