today i had a very long, excruciating series of lectures. the morning session was from 9 am to 1 pm, but it seemed to go on forever. maybe our lecturers were oblivious that most of us, or at least me, was being tormented in silence. in addition to the fatigue of sleeping at 3 am lately, a barrage of technical details, sundeep and i had a petty fight that reduced me to tears even while one of the lectures was going on. i was so tempted to leave the lecture theatre and bawl my eyes out in my room where i could freely look like a big mess. i was silently crying so that even he, who was just beside me, won't notice. i just told myself to hold on just a few more seconds every time, and soon it'd be lunch break.
the moment did come, and i gave him an excuse about submitting my lab report first before joining them for lunch. i could have chosen to submit after lunch, but then i badly needed to go to the toilet first to cry once again and to fix myself.
surprisingly, i didn't look like i just cried after fixing myself up. i went straight to engin canteen and they still weren't there. i reserved a table for us, then sundeep came first. rotana had a group meeting, and siaw ling went to the toilet as usual. when there was only the two of us, we exchanged words like hell. i've never used the word 'hate' to describe what i felt for any person and telling him/her squarely in the face, until now that is. some excerpts:
i hate you so much right now.
then hate me for the rest of your life, better.
why are you so arrogant and insensitive?
what do you mean arrogant and insensitive?
never mind, you won't understand because you are so thick-skinned..
what? what'd u say about my skin?
nothing.
okay. you said too much today. that's it.
then when rotana and siaw ling came, we acted as if nothing was wrong. sundeep still managed to joke around. i feigned a happy, smiling face. they didn't suspect a thing about us fighting. it looked as if we were all talking with each other, but sundeep and i were avoiding each other's gazes.
but after lunch, sundeep and i went ahead of them because he had to go to the computer cluster first. he asked me if i wanted to come, and i said yes. while we were walking, apologies and appeasement were in the works. turns out he really didn't hear when i said thick-skinned. he thought i was mocking and insulting his skin color or what. i was shocked, then i asked him whether he thought i'd really say that. then he said yeah, and that i am capable of saying anything. sigh. that's how he finds me? i felt so bad. but then again, i did say some nasty things to him. he's the only one who's suffered the full venom of my tongue i think.
we still had maalej lecture after lunch, but after that no more, so we had the chance to aplogize to each other and make up. hehe=)
yahoo!
the moment did come, and i gave him an excuse about submitting my lab report first before joining them for lunch. i could have chosen to submit after lunch, but then i badly needed to go to the toilet first to cry once again and to fix myself.
surprisingly, i didn't look like i just cried after fixing myself up. i went straight to engin canteen and they still weren't there. i reserved a table for us, then sundeep came first. rotana had a group meeting, and siaw ling went to the toilet as usual. when there was only the two of us, we exchanged words like hell. i've never used the word 'hate' to describe what i felt for any person and telling him/her squarely in the face, until now that is. some excerpts:
i hate you so much right now.
then hate me for the rest of your life, better.
why are you so arrogant and insensitive?
what do you mean arrogant and insensitive?
never mind, you won't understand because you are so thick-skinned..
what? what'd u say about my skin?
nothing.
okay. you said too much today. that's it.
then when rotana and siaw ling came, we acted as if nothing was wrong. sundeep still managed to joke around. i feigned a happy, smiling face. they didn't suspect a thing about us fighting. it looked as if we were all talking with each other, but sundeep and i were avoiding each other's gazes.
but after lunch, sundeep and i went ahead of them because he had to go to the computer cluster first. he asked me if i wanted to come, and i said yes. while we were walking, apologies and appeasement were in the works. turns out he really didn't hear when i said thick-skinned. he thought i was mocking and insulting his skin color or what. i was shocked, then i asked him whether he thought i'd really say that. then he said yeah, and that i am capable of saying anything. sigh. that's how he finds me? i felt so bad. but then again, i did say some nasty things to him. he's the only one who's suffered the full venom of my tongue i think.
we still had maalej lecture after lunch, but after that no more, so we had the chance to aplogize to each other and make up. hehe=)
yahoo!
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