my mind was wandering during my tutorial this morning

dear God, i still haven't forgiven myself from my life's greatest mistake. it was perfect, and i destroyed it. in doing so, i have forever deprived myself of one of my greatest joys. i was such a fool. this is something i must live with everyday. when will this torment end? it's funny how you can easily forgive me when i do you wrong given your immeasurable grace , but in this case it is myself whom i have erred, and i find it so hard to forgive myself even if it's already been a while. and i thought time heals all wounds?

here i am struggling to be fine, each day making the choice to be happy and trying to live the life on this path that i have chosen. on some days this works just fine, but on other days i am faced with the harsh realization that this is all pretense. help me carry this burden Lord, and don't forget that this thing i gave up had once been my reason for living.