Extra
To those of you who received honors, awards, and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students I say, you, too, can be President of the United States.
- George W. Bush, Commencement Address at Yale University (May 2001)
Read the whole thing here.
Sundeep gave me a reality check today. I was complaining to him that I lost my sense of urgency. I told him that last sem, I would secretly get pissed whenever he is late for lunch or any instance I will have to wait for him, because that would mean I have lesser time to study. He said "Yeah, you were more hardworking last semester. This sem I don't know what happened to you." Aiyah, and now it is less than one month before my first exam.
Let me try to analyze the situation. I worked very hard in my second year to resurrect my Cumulative Average Point (CAP) after it took a plunge to abysmal depths during my first year in university. Surely, if you've already reached rock bottom, there's no other way to go but up. And up I did. But still not the decent up that would make me comfortable to reveal my CAP to just anyone.
I think I got tired. It's so draining putting forth effort to like what you are doing, trying be good at it, yet seeing meager returns. Studying engineering is so freaking hard, especially if you later realize that it's not what you actually want.
Sundeep, Siaw Ling and Rotana (my friends) are having a tough time too, because all the modules/subjects are VERY challenging - but the difference is that they actually want to become Civil Engineers in the near future. Siaw Ling is the only female in our cohort who is in the Dean's List, by the way. And she is pretty too.
Anyway. The more I study my core modules, the more I hate engineering. Maybe because studying my major subjects make me feel dumb. Like just now, I was doing my Geotechnical Engineering assignment. Sundeep already did it last night, and I was trying to read my notes with him beside so I could easily ask him anything I don't understand. Well guess what?! I didn't understand anything even though I've already read my notes before.
This is just some of it and the equations dragged on to number 63 I think for just this one topic. I didn't have a flying fish about it AT ALL. (And all my engineering modules are like that, or harder, especially when all you see is a mumbo-jumbo of greek alphabet swimming around in a white sheet of paper, on the pretense of forming sensible equations). So, when I was in the brink of tears, I slowly turned to him and asked him to explain EVERYTHING to me.
And he did. Bless him.
Then after he explained everything (and I finally saw the light of day), I was able to do my assignment. I told him now I understand my classmates in elementary school, about why they need to have a tutor to study - because I could just read the books back then and 'get it'. But now I'm finding it extremely hard. Then he began counseling me that I should not think I am stupid and that I should remove from my mind that I cannot make it without his help. Okaay.
I am really grateful for him in my studies. Of course it's God who is the reason why I am still here in uni, and I believe He is using him to help me. Like what Edina - my friend who also involuntarily got to Civil Engin - said, it is only through God's grace that she is surviving engineering in NUS. Sundeep is not even in the Dean's List, but he is very good in explaining things.
I think this will be my last post until after my exams. I need to study, and I do not want my CAP to take a nosedive again. I am waging an internal battle with my mind monsters, because as they say, it's all in the head.
Maybe if I believe hard enough that I could fly, I just might grow wings.
Thank you God for everything, and everything I offer back to you. =)
PS Oh yeah, apparently the rest of our class calls my clique UNITED NATIONS. Haha, because all five of us come from different countries: Cambodia, Malaysia, Indonesia, Mauritius, and the Philippines. How cool is that?!=)
0 Comment(s):
Post a Comment
<< Home