lablayp.

my eyes are still stinging. while the engin canteen was all abuzz with people at the peak of lunch hour, i was distressingly wolfing down my teriyaki chicken hotplate meal with tears streaming down my face. yes, crying didn't stop me from eating my currently favorite dish, though usually one loses his appetite when one cries. so anyway, i cried over a petty thing. girls.

it's like this. he cracks a joke which he thinks is funny but which i think is just plain stupid. then i keep quiet, which he translates as me being pissed (which is what happens 99% of the time). then he becomes pissed for me being pissed and i get even more pissed for him getting pissed too, because i was the first one to get pissed so i supposedly have the sole right at that moment. yeah, petty.

then i concoct this story about me always being bullied, even though i know it's just a joke. but it seems so real. might as well he try out for hollywood and get the academy award for being best actor. i say that he shouldn't treat me like the way he treats rotana and all our other friends because now i'm not just his friend anymore. then he cracks another joke 'but you are just my friend', which is very stupid to say at that time really.

then i hesitantly (of course it's embarrassing, but one has to be honest) say that i expect to be treated a bit more special now. then he counterargues he doesn't feel special.

then toink! because it's true. i do not make him feel special. not at all. i do not exert effort. i do not know how! sometimes it makes me feel very bad as a person - taking another person for granted. i can't even say the three magical words with a straight face, even at times when i really want to.