Flaws and Rejections and the great beyond.

Reader beware:

Long post.

You know what my biggest FLAW is?

IT IS THAT I WANT TO TRY EVERYTHING AND I AM ONLY GOOD AT THE BEGINNING. Does Ningas kugon ring a bell?

Haha...anyway, since we are all going towards the conclusion of year 2006, I'm going to enumerate the eventful things that happened throughout this year. First up, the rejections. I've never had so many rejections in my life in such a short span of time as this year. The three major ones are my application for the following: P&G Finance Challenge Week; Residence Assistant post on campus; and of course the one that was most hurtful - my NOC application.



Ok this is the last, really last time I'm going to talk about it. I mean I did everything. Evertyhing that I could think of. I started officially preparing for it half a year in advance. I emailed more than 5 people who went there or are still there, asked for their advice, and followed it. I read the blogs of NOC alumni. I checked out their websites and their forums to get a feel of what was happening around them. I read business newspapers, business websites, and heck I even started an online business just so I could have a feel of what it's like having a business. Frankly, 'frustrating' is one word I could describe it.

And this fancy phrase 'business acumen', I don't have it. I don't know why I keep on running around in circles with whatever so-called ventures I take part in. Look at Paowiee, the guy from Ateneo de Manila who started about the same time as me I think, and now he has gone a LONG, LONG way while I'm still limping around the starting line, still unsure of how to proceed. Oh yeah, I don't have any right to whine because I'm not doing as much work and putting as much effort as this guy. And some more, I think he is innately better so for me to achieve what he has done so far, I have to double or even triple my efforts. I have foreseen this coming even before I began, and yes that moment has come when I am so unmotivated and ready to once again abandon what I have started. I told myself then that when this moment comes, I will just have to be strong and persevere, now I don't know if I was just giving myself a lip service.

Anyway, I got some good things from my online ventures, because it made me feel confident during my NOC interviews. Back then I was on fire, and my interviewers saw that. I kept on babbling relevant stuff, and the knowing smiles and nods they gave me made me feel happy and contented at those moments. It gave me a boost, it made me feel like I'm on the right track. Oh yeah, did I mention that every after interview I gave each of my interviewers thank-you letters? Yup I did that for my two rounds of interviews. For the first round it helped, but as for the second round, apparently IT DID NOT. Major bummer. I am telling you, I did everything I could think of.

How do you know that something really is not for you? How do you when not to proceed any further because all your efforts would have been wasted? How do you know, that instead of doing this one thing, you could be better off doing another thing? But then again, how do you know, that this one thing is actually for you, but you are just being challenged? How do you know, that you should still continue fighting even when you feel like giving up, because in the end you were destined to win after all? If only life were much simpler.

Anyway, after displaying the email that brought forth great grievance for me, here is another email that brought possibly the happiest news that graced my inbox:



If it is still not that apparent yet, yes I've been offered a job at the Grand Canyon in Arizona, United States of America!!! I waited for one whole year to get into this program, because I just missed the roadshow for last year's program. This year I am very happy to have made it, and I am praying that my US Visa will get approved when I apply next year, then everything's all set for a wonderful 3-month stint in the US. Of course, I cannot thank my parents enough for supporting me in this, and Joseph and Ferron too.=)

Hrm, next semester I am planning to have a part-time job to save up for my plane fare. If anyone could recommend me one, I'd very much appreciate it. =)

SO anyway, see? All is not lost. Actually, after all the whining and wallowing in self-pity, afetr all the dust has settled, you will realize (yes you have to, or else you will self-destruct and jump off a cliff or something) and it will be reiterated that everything that happens has a purpose. All the little annoying things, the big hurtful things, all of them are not allowed to come to pass just for fun by the Creator of the heavens and the earth. Look at the moon and the stars in the sky, the solar system, and the vast universe beyond. If God can put all of these big, big things in order, how much more our life's affairs when in fact we are just a small speck of dust in all of His creations?

My life, your life, our lives are in the palm of His hands.