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crash

today's headline in inq7.net came as a shock to me:

Punongbayan killed
8 also die in aerial mission to save lives

it was only yesterday (or the other day, or just recently) that i saw his picture in inq7.net's homepage for some reason i did not bother to find out. and now he's dead. such a loss.

hello paolo, i'm back.

so, i have decided to re-surface from beneath the ocean of notes, books, and past year exam papers and post a new entry to my blog that's been gathering dust for quite a while now. i am really looking forward for the 3rd of May to come, and for the clock to strike 7 o'clock in the evening of that day. that moment would officially end my part of this madness they call the 'exam period'.

that moment would also commence the resurrection of my social life. i have lined up for myself a myriad of activities that i will enjoy after having gone through an ordeal that has sucked the life out of me. of these are the following:

1. devour all sidney sheldon books in the central library
2. devour all other interesting reads in the esplanade library

**oops. hahaha. how dorky. library.

3.frolic in the fake white sands of sentosa
4.download all csi episodes my mac can accommodate
5.download all other things i can still squeeze in my mac
6.have a blast of a gazillion movie/serial marathons
7.play the songs in my iTunes. *cough, cough..donations are welcome. hello joseph.*
8.exercise
9.learn a new language

and most importantly, the reason why i'm not going home this summer...

10. have a job. beg for a job.

else i won't be able to survive. actually i still have enough money in the bank to buy myself a plane ticket home and back, as cheap airfares have been made available courtesy of jetstar asia, tiger airways, and airasia. but i decided that since i'm already 19 years old, i should be fending for myself already and not rely on my parents to give me money for my wants. and of course to gain experience, know how to budget, and all that jazz.

and i also need the job to be able to pay back the money i loaned from kuya pheng (and i need one more kind soul who is willing to lend me money) for my hall vacation stay. my current money is not enough for me to pay for my vacation stay, but i calculated that the money i will be earning from my summer job will be able to to cover my vacation stay and still have a net gain of enough moolah that will want me to choose to have a summer job in the first place. so there. and i already have plans of where i will be spending that money, but that would be for another post (in the future, if my grand plan will push through).

anyway, in this post i also would like to acknowledge God's presence in my life right now. really, without Him, i don't know what to do. It is really during times like these, when you're desperate and stressed and burnt out, that you realize you need Him in your life because your capabilities are only finite. Thank you God, thank you, thank you, and thank you for keeping me sane. i don't know what tomorrow holds, but i know He holds my tomorrow, and I know He knows what He's doing.

By the way, last night, my right hand was already starting to self-amputate, and that's when i finally stopped writing for my maths help sheets. as joseph and ivy could attest, i am capable of having a microscopic handwriting, and that is so i could sqeeze in A LOT of stuff for my help sheets. really, even the not-so-important ones, but i include them still for this gives me a (false) sense of security.

anyway, i have to dive in and be submerged under my statics notes once more. ta-ta!

1 MegaHurtz

broken cartilage, the doctor said.

what a bummer. no, not for me. for my guy. he was advised to rest for at least four months. his wonderful sunny summer days are now foreshadowed by dark gray rainclouds of gloom. four months without soccer? the doctor must be kidding.

but it was that soccer incident with basu weeks back that's causing him much pain now. i could only stare as his face is contorted by anguish everytime he has to walk long distances. at first it was thought of only a knee sprain or strain, and now the doctor is advising MRI or even an operation.

and all this is happening right smack during exam period. just read joseph's posts on how intensive mugging sessions are in NUS so you'll have an idea on how this knee injury is such an inconvenience at this time of the year.

God, help. please.

I am SUCH A BRAT.

Maybe I should change my major and become an optometrist or ophthalmologist...u know, become an "I" specialist.

the selfish brat needs to study now.

wah lau. conrado de quiros undauntingly writes about things he firmly believes in, even if it means blatantly opposing the most powerful person back there in my country . i wish i could write the way he does someday, with tons of wit and fervor to boot.

here's an exerpt of what he wrote for today:

...Arroyo likes to say one thing and do another, chief of them vow not to run again but do so anyway, and with a ferocity that leaves government penniless. Roces means exactly what she says, her utterances carrying with them a ring of conviction. Arroyo tries to please, or appease, everyone, Cory and Imelda Marcos alike. Roces lashes out at those she believes has done her wrong, not the least ABS-CBN Broadcasting. Arroyo, at her most pained expressions at the sight of stricken humanity, comes off as plastic. Roces at her calmest in the face of great loss comes off as honest.

Arroyo proclaims her accomplishments at every turn. Roces likes to draw attention to what her husband has done. Arroyo speaks from a script, Roces speaks from the heart. Arroyo talks about everything, Roces talks only about things she knows. Arroyo speaks the language of technocratese or PR, whichever is more convenient, Roces speaks the language of experience and feeling, whichever is more understandable. Arroyo is an economist who longs desperately to be an actress, Roces is an actress who longs desperately to be left alone. Arroyo is a President who regales her constituents with a badly written movie. Roces is a citizen who offers her friends the spectacle of a life well borne.

Arroyo likes power, and began Day One of her first term preparing for a second. Roces likes friends, and thanked everyone who flew to her side in her moment of need. Arroyo says she is the Pope's -- if not God's -- appointed, sent by them to pluck this country out of the wilderness. Roces says she is not a political person and is not interested in being one. She is just there to inspire, as well she can, she has no plans of leading a movement. However can she? She is just-a housewife...

the whole of the article is here. wayne compiles all of de quiros' published articles in this blog.

they are new every morning

i am going to sleep early tonight because i have an 8 am tutorial tomorrow, which i have been previously skipping because i am not able to wake up early. it will be the very last one so i don't want to miss it. i was hesitant to retire so soon because i feel i haven't accomplished much for today, but if i stay up so late my whole schedule for tomorrow would be ruined, as it includes waking up early to go for maths tutorial.

i was really anxious just now because i am only able to strike off one item from the multitudinous list of things i had to do for today. but when i read this:

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.(Lamentations 3:22-23 KJV)

i was comforted. tomorrow would be a brand new day, another chance to be able to strike off all those things in the freakingly long list that's getting even freakingly longer every day.

11 days.

if there's anything worth boasting, it's God.

i am writing because i am in distress. come 11 more days and it will be my first exam already, PC1432 (Physics IIE). i just learned that chem engin people do not have to take this module. and as hailin, my group D classmate and neighbor in hall, had put it, 'they're having a great time not taking physics II. but me, i have to study physics until i puke blood.' yes, this physics module is not an easy module, but i find it interesting. i find the latter part of this module, quantum physics, interesting. since i find it interesting, i am currently working my ass off to have a more than decent grade this time around. i would also count my unsatisfactory midterm grade as a motivation to work harder.

i am currently way behind my schedule. see, i had mapped everything i have to study on my NUSSU diary since the 5th of april all the way to the 3rd of may. so for this certain day i have to study these certain subjects. but i realized that i can only do so much for one day. i even told myself to stretch my limit until may 3, and it will all be over. but really, i cannot do everything i had planned to do all by myself. therefore i dropped down on my knees and prayed in the hope of keeping myself in good standing.

i also realized that i do not have to fret if i am having such a great difficulty with the modules i am taking this semester. and the obvious reason is that they are not meant to be easy in the first place. this sem i am taking the core modules of common engineering: physics IIE, mathematics II, statics and mechanics of materials, and this compulsary module, critical thinking and writing. ok, so these are the majors, whereby students from mechanical, electrical, civil (and etc) engin are also taking. based on my own understanding, a normal engineering workload would also include, on average, 2 of the following modules: breadth, GEM, or Singapore studies. So i am currently taking Singapore studies. i could have opted for an easier (less technical) breadth or GEM, but i took chemical engineering principles instead because i have to. therefore, i am also taking a core subject of another engineering course not dubbed as common engineering. with this combination of mostly technical subjects, you could not expect this road to be short of bumps and boulders along the way.

but anyway, i am still in one piece. i take the blame of my disastrous grade last sem, and God had been gracious enough to answer my prayer of not having an F grade. that was all i asked for, and that was what i was given. but i later found out that is not enough. that's why i have a different prayer this sem, and that is to have a grade that would not invoke the issuance of another letter bearing terrible news from the university admin addressed to me.

but my God here is still the same God wherever i may be. i just lift up to Him all my everyday burdens, and rest in the knowledge that my God is faithful in all His promises. I know he has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. currently i am doing my best and giving my best shot preparing for the finals, and if my heart's desire matches God's will, then great. but if not, it's ok. i know God is in control. whatever happens, i hope my life would be a living testimony of God's goodness and mercy.

after having read her CV, i now officially look up to ate joline.

if she can do it, so can i.

so help me God.

MUG HARD PEOPLE!

i found this in someone else's pink blog, and it made me smile.


Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

do guys like that still exist? the answer is yet to be known.


haha. fortunately, this type of guy is yet to be extinct.

stuff weird dreams are made of

another excuse.

happy birthday mark uy, who made my elementary school days more than exciting and worth reminiscing. haha =)

i had a dream this morning, right after i ate my breakfast. in my dream, joseph was also my boyfriend even though i was supposed to be attached to someone else already. he was busy with something in the kitchen, probably making leche flan again. then i had to go somewhere. as i went outside, i saw three gigantic talking kangaroos. of course they scared the living daylights out of me. so i ran as fast as i coould to the right. but then some guys in police uniform were frantically running in the opposite direction. then some women in muslim costume were also running behind the policemen. as i was just running forward i saw why they were so scared. some lunatic had a bomb, and i was going towards him. stupid. i was so scared i didn't know what to do. on my left were gigantic talking kanagroos, and on my right a lunatic with a bomb who's about to blow me up to smithereens.

that's when i forced myself to wake up because i don't want to find out what will happen next.

my previous dream was about me shot in the head. the bullet was just embedded somewhere, not fracturing my skull. i even saw a grayscale picture of the inside of my head with the bullet inside. in my dream, i felt something when the bullet went inside, but it didn't hurt.

who knows, maybe i'm about to die already. boo!