love ko 'to

...some of the best days of my life...


neutron christmas party


JS Prom awardees

haha cyril (the one in yellow) and i (pretty girl beside him in pink hehe) won as First Knight and First Maiden, respectively. obvious bang atat mag prom?=)


Tagurano Outback!

finding the mini-falls after miles and miles and miles of hiking.

invading someone else's privacy

..is one of my...*talents?*

and i figure somebody likes someone.

what do i care?

jesa

is soooooooo pretty.=)

when i was trying on my stuff to decide which ones to wear for jesa's party, i only had one criterion in mind. upon doing a catwalk with my chosen outfit, i asked my sister and my mom "O, maiinlove na ba uli sa kin si niel?" hahaha. =)

didn't know whether it worked though, and the original plan of who should get smitten by who got all mixed up.

oh yeah, i was so curious whether he's still wearing the ring i gave him. but i didn't check. i'm afraid of what i won't be seeing.

hay. i sound so pathetic again.

cyril

i am so blessed to have you. thanks for keeping me company. thanks for keeping me sane. i love you and i'm going to miss you terribly. friends forever.

ending the year with a bang

last night came a terrible, terrible news. i was typing away on my blog when suddenly someone came banging on our door. it was an ungodly hour and i was sort of alone because my parents and siblings still weren't home and our helpers were already in deep slumber. the very last day of this year is probably the worst day for my tito's life. but i don't think i have the right to divulge his problems here.

as he was talking to my mom on the phone, it seemed like i was teleported inside of a television screen and being a live audience in one of the episodes of Maalaala Mo Kaya. he was crying and he was so desperate. the teenybopper angst i just posted in my blog was no match to real life, adult problems. but the best time to have teenager problems is when you still are a teenager anyway.

so there. i am still suffering from the love bug that happens to infect me severely whenever i come home. i still go beet red when i remember what i did yesterday before leaving clang's beach resort where our batch get-together was held.

God i hope everything will be well for my tito. please.

remember the titans

it's sad when people forget. it's more sad when people choose to forget.

but sometimes, people choose to forget to mask the pain they are feeling inside. i myself am guilty of doing that.

though it elates me to go back to memory lane, it pains me to be pulled back in reality and realize that things are different now from what they used to be. but i won't choose to forget anymore, because with not remembering comes the sense of unfamiliarity which drowns away this warm, fuzzy feeling for someone that had meant the world to you. am i making sense? i don't know. this is all crazy.

i would rather be blind than to see you with somebody new

i would rather me deaf than to hear someone else loves you

i would rather be mute than to speak final words of adieu

i would rather be dead than to live without you.


haha. composed in one minute? as i was typing, the words just kept flowing. WALA LANG. don't mind me. kulang lang sa tulog. malapit na mag 2 and maybe il sleep lang pag anjan na sila mama. im alone. wooo.

i smack myself

nung ginawa ko iyon wala naman akong pakialam sa sasabihin ng iba eh. siyempre babay na diba. hugs. tama bang samahan ko ng halik sa cheek? worse, dalawang halik sa cheek? sus para namang hindi ko gnagawa iyon dati. kaso nung nasa bahay na ako saka ko lang naramdaman ang hiya. haaay tago na lang ako sa ilalim ng kumot mamaya. peace.

mahal na mahal pa rin kita. siyet.

suppressed emotions

UnCr!eD TeaRs.

as of this writing my parents are still at my lola's place entertaining my tita's american boyfriend, my not-so-little sister is with her barkada hangin out at dunkin donuts, and my brother and bunso are with our cousins playing. i, on the other hand, decided to just go home and blog my heart out.

cyril and i talked on the phone a while ago. he was the one who called me. long-distance. i was so touched. he probably called because i texted him saying i'm already going crazy. yesterday and earlier today i was so happy. it was great seeing my high school friends. it was great gyrating on the dance floor with the people whom i shared the best 4 years of my life with.

jesa's party was a blast. it wasn't the traditional debut party where everyone had to wear formal gowns or suits. it was sort of a cocktail/rave party held at marco polo's ballrooms. (those ballrooms again, where i had both my junior and senior high school proms; where i took the exam for singapore scholarship; where i was awarded for the singapore scholarship; and now, jesa's party).

it was well-planned and unique....(blah-blah..jesa's party needs to be on a different post).

as i said earlier, yesterday and earlier today i was so happy. now im feeling crappy. now i'm being drowned by teenage angst. i feel sad because soon i will be leaving again. it has always been like this. But on the brighter side, i am grateful for having something that makes saying goodbye so difficult. i love my batchmates. one of them even became the reason for my being. maybe he still is. aaaaaargh. erase erase.

tRes GwaPiTas

pic taken in la union. mommy, mama, me! 3 generations of pretty people. hahahaha=) pagbigyan!

i felt like a kid again

....

and then my papa hugged me. he hugged me first. and that's a first.

and then he asked me if mama already knew. i told him 'no'. so we went to mama and i told her the same thing i had told papa. and then she hugged me too.

....

ewan ko

what people probably don't know about me is that i'm not comfortable reading my previous posts, which is why i very seldom do it. all the more when think i have probably offended someone...either i delete that certain post or place as a 'draft' so it won't be displayed in my blog but still getting me to keep it.

i won't contine with what i'm supposed to write in this post anymore. i just saw my grades for last semester.

i'm...dead.

thank God i don't have an F.

a belated merry christmas to everyone.

so, what have i been up to these past few days? i just finished reading the Da Vinci code. superb thriller. i couldn't put the book down. i even had to hold my pee many times so as not to disrupt the momentum.

FPJ was finally laid to his final rest. watching the tv coverage would certainly tug at one's heartstrings. he was a good man, no doubt. that's why i felt bad last sunday, when our pastor included FPJ in his sermon. it was just a passing comment, but insensitive nonetheless.

"sino bang makakamiss kay FPJ? Ako hindi...."

my reply to that: 3 million people (who attended his wake) lang naman. ok, some of them maybe would just like to be seen in television and 'nakikisawsaw' lang, but you also have to take into account the people in their respective provinces in every nook of this archipelago who didn't have the means to attend the wake of their idol.

maybe pastor just forgot about the maxim 'kung wala kang masabing mabuti, mag shut up ka na lang'..modified by me of course.

no, i didn't become an FPJ fanatic/loyalist overnight. my friends could attest that i am one of those against him running for, and most especially winning, the presidential race. and i am one of those who kept one eye (yeah even both eyes) closed as GMA blatantly cheated to win the elections.

maybe i deem him not fit to lead this country politically. but heck, he already found his niche in this country. he was 'Da King' of the Philippine movie industry, no less. i respect him for that. and again i say, he was a good man. and i respect him for that even more.

now back to my pastor. maybe just a teeny bit of respect for the deceased actor would have made my pastor not say what he said. i still couldn't understand why other people still had to belittle FPJ even now that he's already dead. why wouldn't they just let him rest in peace?

in fairness to my pastor, he acknowledged that FPJ had helped people (and i say MANY, MANY PEOPLE) in his lifetime. what pastor is trying to say is that in the end, it is what God has to say that would matter, not what mere mortals like us have to say. fine. but still, i hope he hadn't placed FPJ in bad light just to deliver his point.

change of plans. we were supposed to go home this sunday still, but we're home already. alas the whole family is now complete.=)

i want to blog about yesterday. i saw him again. my first love. when i laid my eyes on him again, i felt..happy. i texted him first and we agreed to meet at the gate of his school. actually i was there in ateneo because i brought something for his mom. cyril accompanied me. we also caught up with our old schoolmates who are currently studying there. i only had little time to spare because i still needed to go to the Department of Tourism office to get the travel tax exemption certificate, and then rush to the airport to fetch my sister. initially i didn't have any plans of meeting up with him. but when i was about to leave, his mother texted me to thank me for the brownies, and she also told me to text him so we'd see each other again. then i thought, yeah why not? so i did. and i'm glad i did.

i was walking towards the gate where we agreed to meet, and i already saw him from a distance. i was walking towards him, smiling. he was smiling too. seemed like the good old days. i wished it were still the good old days. i was drawn to his eyes, and for a moment it felt like he was still mine. and then reality sunk in. we said our petty hellos, i said where i was going...why i was leaving so soon...you know, we chatted for a while like long lost friends. yeah, the operative word: friends.

when i really had to leave already, i longed to hold his hand. longed to feel again what it was like, when we were still together. not that i have already forgotten. but i didn't want to make the first move. so, nothing happened. we bid adieu, and as i went to the guard to get my ID, i turned to have a last glance at him before leaving. he was already walking towards his school building.

i miss him.

one last post for this day.

my mac is soooo cool. i just found out the other day that i can actually talk to my iBook. i can even ask my iBook to tell me a joke. amazing right? i can even choose its voice. i chose Junior over Vicky and more than a dozen others. i was just exploring my iBook and i discovered that i can just speak a command and my laptop would obey and execute it. so far my favorite command is "Tell me a joke". never mind if the jokes are quite lame. hehe=)

there'sthis option to give my iBook a name and i would have to speak its name first before each command for command recognition purposes. the default name is "computer". then i changed it to "mac". then i got playful and changed it to "chebakee" to see if it would still work. it did! but then i got tired saying the name first everytime i want my iBook to do something. anyway there's this other option to just say the command right away and it would still execute it.

i tell you, dear readers, apple is so cool. my mac is sooo cool. i recommend having your own mac. you won't regret it. maybe you'll have to invest a teeny bit of your time learning how to use it if you're used to windows before, but it's worth all the effort. kudos to mac=)

i'm going to davao tomorrow but i'm not too excited. it's not because i'm travelling alone, which i've done that a hundred times already. it's because the thought of me commuting again doesn't really perk me up. commuting in a country with an efficient public transport system like singapore is ok. but commuting where i have to inhale pollution and be exposed to scorching heat is another thing altogether. i'd rather stay home and watch tv or sleep. but i have to go to get the travel tax exemption certificate so we'll pay P1600 less for my airfare. so in way, it's ok.

there i'm going to meet up with dimple. it's still a mystery why she opted to land in davao from manila rather than directly in gensan. oh maybe because paolo and papa would be there so she figured she could go home with them.

anyway, mama and yc would also be going to davao this this saturday, and the whole family is going back here in gensan on sunday.

actually i've been looking forward to going to our church here in gensan, but it looks like i'll have to wait for next sunday again. last sunday we also weren't able to go to church because we just came from manila, and this sunday we'll still be in davao for the whole duration of the church service. i told myself that this vacation, i will be more involved in our church. i don't know exactly how to go about that, but i really want to make it up for the youth members of the church who were very friendly to me last summer vacation. but that time i had severe acne problems and was very self-concious that's why i was such an intovert and turned down all of their invitations to join them.

i have known those people since our kiddie bible story days and had become my playmates. however, my family transferred to another church and lost contact with them for a while, but now my family is back to Bread of Life Ministries again. last summer when i first saw them again after a decade, i was kind of shocked to see how they've all grown up. they've turned out to be really good-looking young adults. (which aggravated my being very self-concious).but i think last semester had been wonderful and i've gathered enough self-esteem to get to know other people again.

surprise surprise!!

i got a new message in friendster. at first i thought it was from * because i was sort of expecting * to send me a message. it was from wayne pala. i was surprised because i didn't think he would reply. he doesn't like cheesy messages, but i couldn't find a substitute for the word "miss".

the next surprise is niel's mom texting me.=) hehe=) actually this is the second time she's texted me for no paticular reason. nanganagamusta lang.=) the last time, i teased her if she missed me (feeling ko PAKAPALAN NA TO!). i didn't expect her to reply and affirm it, but she did=).

for this time, first she asked me if i'm home (in gensan) already. i replied yes (and blah blah), and then she told me "knukmusta lang kita tagal nkc hindi kta nkta".

hehe wala lang. it's just heartwarming if someone you don't expect to remember you does. oh, she replied again and told me to stay clear of areas where there are a lot of people because that's where terrorists are likely to strike again. (15 people already died due to the bomb blown up in our public market last sunday).

i still haven't messaged her back because obviously i'm typing away here in my blog. i'm not going to tell her that i would be going to davao this week because i'm planning to surprise her too. haha. i'm planning to give her a little something. haha how about her son? i don't know. maybe a little something for him too.=) maybe.

May gusto ka bang sabihin? at hindi mapakali, ni hindi makatingin... sana'y wag mo na 'tong palipasin at subukang lutasin, sa mga sinabi mo na ibang nararapat sa akin, na tunay kong mamahalin. wag na wag mong sasabihin na hindi mo nadama itong pag-ibig kong handang ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo...

lovers in paris.

FPJ died today.

life plans:

not exactly in chronological order. subject to change without prior notice.

marry.

have at most two kids.

work in singapore or in the united states. that's certain. i'm gonna work my ass off for that.

send my younger siblings to school. or just take care of their allowance. the point is, i'll contribute something for their education.

travel around the united states and europe and collect souvenir plates for display just like what auntie sally does.

have savings. lots of it.

retire in the province as a balikbayan and have a beach house (no, a castle-like mansion just like the one i saw in la union). as long as it's near the sea (no, ocean) so i could watch the sunrise and sunset.

have a farm.

return to Heaven.

wala ako nung bday ni jeunesse. wala akong number niya eh, pero nagtanong ako sa maraming tao at inubos ko pa load ng lola ko kakatext sa mga tao sa singapore baka sakaling may number sila ni jeunesse sa pinas. teka, kung sumama si wayne nung bday ni jeunesse at di man lang ako sinabihan ng details gayong alam niya naman ang number ko sa pinas....hmmmmm. Naisip ko rin na baka nagtag si jeunesse sa blog ko for the details kung san magmeet, kaso wala akong internet access kasi nasa manila ako at wala ako sa sarili kong bahay.

actually i was reaaaallly looking forward to it (malling sa bday ni jeunesse). pero sige na lang. actually ok na lang. kasi that day, since wala na akong pag-asang mag malling, sumama na lang ako sa la union. kung saan na meet ko ang aking future mother-in-law. haha joke joke joke.

=)

im hoooome!!!=)

mama, papa, and i just arrived from manila this morning.=)

and oh yeah, before anything else...

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO PROUD OF MANNY PACQUIAO!!!

the pride of my hometown, General Santos City!!! wooo hooo!! panalo na naman. =) last night yung match nila, nagkataon dun rin kami banda naka stay. bday ng tito ko so we had dinner banda dun rin sa taguig. natapos na lang dinner namin saka pa nagtstart ang match ni manny pero di kami nanood kasi maraming tao. medyo buhay na ang bonifacio global city..last time we went there konti pa lang gimmick places, ngayon mas ok na.akala ko talaga palengke ang market!market!...haha eto pala ay isang mall. oops.

hay manny you are my hero. im so proud of you=)

arrgh dami ko na namang gs2 ikwento..hehe next post para di masyado mahaba...=)

i'm home..but not quite.

i have soooo many stories to tell but i don't know where to start.

my sister thinks brice is cute. don't we all? hahahaha..sabay kasi kami ni brice sa plane with his kuya. tapos pagsundo sa kin ng sister ko sabi ko wag muna kami alis para makita nya sa brice. bwahaha ang bruha wag daw muna kasi hindi sya naka PL outfit. PL as in Performance Level. kasi naka PE uniform lang daw sya. haha pero ayun nakita nya pa rin.=)tapos syempre alam naman nating lahat na simpatiko talaga si brice tapos sabay kindat pa sa pagbati..ayun, nainggit kapatid ko bwahahahahaha. joke.

wala po akong gusto kay brice. bow.

i miss sundeep. haha! ang lokong yun. sana classmates pa rin kami next sem para may study buddy pa rin ako.

ewan. miss ko ang buong singapore.

ay sayang hindi na nga kami magkikita ni arthur d2 sa manila kasi sa 12 na uwi ko.

pero makaka attend pa rin ako sa bday ni jeunesse. yey.