gratitude

i don't know what i'd do without you. =)

le soleil

i found this in my mailbox and it made me smile.

Dear Students,

The Faculty of Engineering has much to celebrate. Academic ranking aside, our students and alumni also count among the stellar cast that FoE produces -- from beauty queens, racing enthusiasts, award winners to summitters.

Next Friday, we will be celebrating the triumph of two extraordinary achievers, Stefen Chow E-Fung, our ME alumnus and Teo Yen Kai, our third-year ME student who successfully summitted Mount Everest in June this year. Dean Seeram will be presenting the first of our FoE Extraordinary Achievement Award medals to these achievers...

award winners related to academics and technical stuff, well, that's expected right. but it came to me as a surprise when i learned that Ms. Singapore Universe 2004 is an NUS student, and hails from engin faculty to boot. because it's, erm, unusual for anyone from engin to become a beauty queen. haha. i come from engin too, so i know how it is in engin. like how people usually dress, what the most common personalities are, and the like. people in engin are not really concerned about their looks, but there are exceptions of course. ;p it makes me proud that engin was able to produce a beauty queen.

one of the summitters who successfully conquered Mt Everest is currently an engin undergrad, and everytime i see their banner i get this warm fuzzy feeling. the banner displays the triumph of the summitters and carries the words "No Dream Too High". nice right?

i am happy where i am now. finally things are falling into place. i am grateful that everything is fine.=) to God be the glory.

i am also grateful for friends who have the guts to show me my flaws. it shows that they care.

and of course, to this person who's still there even though i've already shown him the monster in me, a million thanks. now i'm going to show you how wonderful it is to be loved by me.

fluttering freely again

i reverted to my old template because my father once told me he likes this. talked to him on the phone a while ago, and he told me he just read my blog - and came to know about my summer chronicles. i knew beforehand it'd be quite embarrassing, but i still turned beet red when he told me he and mama have read about those things. armph. now papa keeps on teasing me. i tried to hide under my pillows for a while, like it would help. now i find it funny that they know, and it's okay.

clarified clarifications

about my CAP thingy, haha, to the person who emailed me, it's okay! i wasn't referring to you. i didn't know who exactly i was referring to, because i still don't know who did it. anyway the reason why i reacted that way is that it's NOT TRUE that my cap was 1.5. whoa my CAP was low but not that super low!

so that's it. i'm fine, really. the things i added earlier on and deleted just now, i wasn't pertaining to you particularly. it's just difficult to phrase what i wanted to say while using the same code word 'person' for different persons.

bday greetings

happy birthday mommy cora, tita emma, tita baby (yesterday); tita edith and my dear little sister princess yc tuting kulubuting (today).

yahoo!

tao rin.

it started when the four of us had lunch one fine day. edina never comes with us for lunch because she always eats with hasikin, her boyfriend. siaw ling went to the toilet first, so sundeep, me , and rotana went ahead to buy our food. sundeep offered to buy drinks and said he's going to treat me. rotana asked to be treated too, but sundeep retorted something funny and added that he should buy himself a drink and treat siaw ling too. since siaw ling was not with us, and it wouldn't be nice if she's the only one without a drink when she comes, rotana agreed.

when siaw ling came, she was surprised to have a kiwi milkshake waiting for her. she offered to pay up but rotana said no need, because sundeep treated me so he also just did the same thing for her. haha! of course he didn't mean anything by that, but sundeep and i put some meaning to it as we please.

so now everytime we see them together, sundeep gives them knowing glances and mischievous grins. so fun to tease them because they act like kids and tell him to stop talking crap. of course they cannot NOT talk to each other as they are each other's lifeline during lectures. i mean they always, always discuss our lessons. but i think we shouldn't tease them so often as they're starting to get uncomfortable when left alone with each other.

wide toothy grin

i am his little spider and i am happy.

it's the tooth that counts part deux

i just came from clementi to see a dentist. i couldn't take it anymore. last night i couldn't eat my dinner properly. today i didn't have breakfast, and at lunch i ate PORRIDGE! i was so hungry but i could only eat porridge. so after all my classes were over, i headed straight to clementi because it's the only place that i know of apart from NUS that has a dental clinic. i decided against having an appointment at the clinc here in NUS because of that lousy receptionist who treated me like dirt. but now i understand her. maybe she's in her menopause stage, or her boyfriend dumped her, or that morning she was greeted by an unpleasant sight when she peered into her mirror.

before i went inside the clinic in clementi, i first scrutinized the price list of their services posted outside. i was curious how much they charge for orthodontic treatments. for braces right, they charge a staggering $3,800 upwards! so expensive! i had mine in the philippines, and there it's way cheaper, only about 1/4 of the price they charge here. my dentist warned me that having dental check-ups in singapore would of course be more expensive, but was happy to see that the clinic charges $10-$50 for consultation only. i'm willing to pay rather than keep my tongue in agony until i could go see my own dentist again.

the lady receptionist was pleasant this time. at first she told me to come back tomorrow as i didn't have any appointment and the dentist is fully booked. but i insisted that this is an emergency, and i added i couldn't eat until this is fixed. she understood and made me sit down first to wait for my turn. at the lounge/waiting area, the dentist's credentials are displayed. i was happy to see that he graduated from NUS, so must be good right. haha. anyway he is also a member of a group of dental surgeons from edinburgh.

after three magazine browsings, i was finally called. the dentist asked what happened, so i recounted my story about me having lunch and eating roasted pork rice at NUS. yes i added 'at NUS' because i know he's also from there, so as to reveal this invisible bond that both of us share. he asked from which canteen i ordered my meal, then i said engin canteen, to which he replied with 'oh dear'. maybe during his time engin canteen was still reputed as the lousiest canteen on campus. i wanted to tell him engin canteen was completely revamped and is now my favorite, but by then he already inserted dental pliers inside my mouth so i couldn't talk much.

when he saw my problem, again he said 'oh dear', then added 'this must hurt a lot'.

jackpot. coz it's like this. imagine sitting on a chair with a small nail sticking out and poking your butt. everytime you move, the nail goes poke, poke, poke. that hurts right? and annoying too. same thing with my tongue and the metal thingy that's part of my braces.

the dentist fixed my problem in less than a minute. all he had to do was cut the small metal part off. but i think he wasn't able to do it because i heard him say it's difficult, so maybe he just flattened it. anyway now it feels normal again. and now i could eat properly. yahoo!

and for that i was charged with *kaching!*, $10. yey. the minimum fee. but still, only for that. that's why dentists and doctors get rich. but i'm still happy because relief from pain and being able to eat well is still priceless. so, thank you Lord.

it's the tooth that counts

woke up at 10 but ate my first meal for today at 3 pm. when i was two bites away from finishing my meal, one of the molar bonds of my braces snapped, causing a protrusion of a metal part that may potentially harm my tongue if i'm not careful.

so i went to UHWC at YIH for a dental consultation but was told that it won't be covered by the university health services, so i will have to pay up on my own. a man directed me outside, where the NTUC-DentiCare clinic is.

then here i met this lady receptionist who is not at all fit for her job...

(the author deems it best for the rest of this post be deleted due to explicit content.)

superhumanoids part deux

yesterday i came late for my engineering and uncertainty analysis lecture (which from now on, will be termed as maalej lecture, based on the name of our prof). so yeah, maalej was already blabbering his stuff as i quickly scanned the lecture theatre for my friends. as usual, i sat next to sundeep. a very unusual thing is, siaw ling is nowhere beside edina (they always sit next to each other). then i remembered her msn nick saying that she's sick. oh no! is she that sick? IS SIAW LING DYING? but then again, even if she is, she wouldn't miss this lecture, or any lecture, for ANYTHING.

a few moments later, the guy sitting in front of me ducked his head, which enabled me to see siaw ling sit at the front portion of the LT. so that explains it. turns out she couldn't hear the lecturer well in the past lectures so this time she decided to sit in front. when sundeep came, he didn't see her, so he sat at the rear part of the LT, where the five of us usually sit. when edina and rotana came, they sat with sundeep. so when i came and sat with them, i thought siaw ling was absent, but that of course will never happen.

let's backtrack a few days. last saturday i was happily strolling along PGP when i chanced upon rotana, who seemed to be more dressed up than usual and was carrying a plastic bag. i greeted him by asking where he's going. he said he's going to a cambodian gathering, and he's carrying some utensils with him, thus the plastic bag. then i asked him "Why aren't you studying?". To which he replied with a chuckle "It's weeekend what."

WEEKEND? that word actually exists in his vocabulary? i was flabbergasted!

then today after rotana and sundeep had lunch (i ate with robinson), sundeep and i decided to spend some quality time with our books at the library. we told rotana to come with us, assuming he's also headed towards central library. then he told us the unfathomable, saying he's headed back to pgp to sleep a bit before studying.

(okay, this time louder and more dramatic) SLEEP? that word actually exists in his vocabulary? i was flabbergasted!

haha. so there. these two make great characters for my posts as i find them interesting individuals indeed.

public display of raging hormones.

NEWSFLASH! MAGSING-IROG NAGLALAPLAPAN SA CENTRAL LIBRARY PERK POINT!

it got me distracted from properly drinking my milo what.

lablayp.

my eyes are still stinging. while the engin canteen was all abuzz with people at the peak of lunch hour, i was distressingly wolfing down my teriyaki chicken hotplate meal with tears streaming down my face. yes, crying didn't stop me from eating my currently favorite dish, though usually one loses his appetite when one cries. so anyway, i cried over a petty thing. girls.

it's like this. he cracks a joke which he thinks is funny but which i think is just plain stupid. then i keep quiet, which he translates as me being pissed (which is what happens 99% of the time). then he becomes pissed for me being pissed and i get even more pissed for him getting pissed too, because i was the first one to get pissed so i supposedly have the sole right at that moment. yeah, petty.

then i concoct this story about me always being bullied, even though i know it's just a joke. but it seems so real. might as well he try out for hollywood and get the academy award for being best actor. i say that he shouldn't treat me like the way he treats rotana and all our other friends because now i'm not just his friend anymore. then he cracks another joke 'but you are just my friend', which is very stupid to say at that time really.

then i hesitantly (of course it's embarrassing, but one has to be honest) say that i expect to be treated a bit more special now. then he counterargues he doesn't feel special.

then toink! because it's true. i do not make him feel special. not at all. i do not exert effort. i do not know how! sometimes it makes me feel very bad as a person - taking another person for granted. i can't even say the three magical words with a straight face, even at times when i really want to.

superhumanoids.

seems like i missed out a lot during the NUS IRC elections. i didn't know that it was all-so-happening. wayne sms-ed me that night saying the elections are being held that time (read: come!), but now i forgot why i didn't show up. maybe i had something on or what. so anyway, congratulations to ivy, wayne, and michael for your new heavygatz posts. please include me if you need helpers or whatever for your projects, so i can have CCA points. hehe=)

yesterday i went to this seminar for CVE year 2 students. it's like a briefing of sorts as to guide us which modules to take, which direction to take. it was entertaining, kudos to our amusing professors; and of course, helpful for us. there was this instance when names of students in our batch on scholarships were flashed on the big white screen. at first i didn't really bother about the powerpoint slide, until sundeep told me my name was on the list! i found the heading Singapore Scholarship, and true enough, my name was under it, as well as Rotana's. then the professor speaking in front told the students with their names flashed on the screen to stand up. so we did, and for the first time in my life i was applauded by my classmates and professors. ok, one of the many being applauded. i was what, happy, because i never expected this to happen, even if it's just a small thing. i used to believe that i'd be forever astoundingly mediocre and not worth being applauded to by NUS people.

then the next slide showed the names of those who made it to the dean's list. among the 100+ in our batch (yes, relatively smaller compared to other engineering departments), only 3 made it to the dean's list last sem. and 2 of them are my friends! rotana, siaw ling, and this other guy.

siaw ling and rotana totally deserve to be in the dean's list. if i were to describe siaw ling in two words, it'd be HERMIONE GRANGER. yes, the girl in the harry potter series who thinks expulsion from hogwarts is worse than death itself. siaw ling studies like there's no tomorrow, eats and breathes all the formulas dumped to our faces during lectures. i don't think she knows that grades other than the first letter of the alphabet exist. even when the lecture's already over, she and rotana would still be glued to their seats to discuss the minutest of details regarding the lecture.

rotana, whom i've already known since our bridging year, is extremely smart and extremely hardworking to boot. these two traits compounded is a surefire means to land a spot on the dean's list. for every vacant time we have, we finish his sentence for him when he says "hey, i'm going to the.." with the word "library".

naturally, edina, sundeep, and i are proud of our friends siaw ling and rotana. hey, maybe the two of them would end up together eventually, that'd be great. improvement of the human race as they will propagate kids with super charged brain cells. =p. but yep, the three of us should learn a thing or two from them when it comes to studies.

paolo tuts.

Dear Brother,

Where you are right now offers a multitude of opportunities up for grabs. I know because that's also where I came from. Now IT'S ALL UP TO YOU. Design your destiny and reach your fullest potential.

For starters, please do your assignments.

I LOVE YOU AND I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

love,
ate chinx

don't ask me difficult questions

he popped this question: " do you love me? "

silence. doe-eyed look of uncertainty.

he prodded many times more, until i finally uttered " i don't know. "

not exactly the answer he was looking for. if i were in his place i'd be terribly hurt. but what can i do? i cannot tell him yes if i don't really mean it with all my heart. i am such a horrible girlfriend yeah? but i answered him in the most honest manner i could think of. i really don't know if what i have for him is love. maybe to some extent it is, but probably not the way he loves me. yes, in this relationship, he loves me more for sure.

i didn't answer him 'no', because he does matter to me. i wouldn't really stick around him if i didn't really care about him. i make time for him and treat him with higher priority among other things. but i also didn't answer 'yes' because i do not feel that i love him enough to die for him, have kids with him, or even plan a future with him. i do not think that we are made for each other, because we do not have the same goals in life. i know that he too will be gone someday, and so i don't want to heavily invest emotionally.

i used to strive to be the best girlfriend ever. but then i got my heart broken, and until now i haven't gotten around being at least a 'good' one. pfft.

DALAGA NA AKO!

just came from karen's block to get my stuff. as i was walking back to my own block, there was this guy who was walking alongside me. i wasn't really minding him, then he uttered, "is that a takashimaya bag?", pertaining to what i was carrying.

i said yes, then he continued walking by my side and inititated a conversation. this chinese guy from malaysia was wearing a singlet, shorts, and rubber shoes. so i asked him whether he just came from the gym. he said he just finished jogging, but also came from the gym before that. maybe he thought, oh it may be nice to have a little conversation with that little creature in pink top and purple shorts in this cool, moonless night after working out. so yep, a small talk we had. i was interested in going to the gym even before, so he showed me where the gym was. then when we were nearing his block, he asked whether i can see the ocean from my room. i said no. then he casually mentioned that his block has a great view of the ocean and the port on the seventh floor. we went to see it,and it was actually spectacular. then he walked with me back to my block. he asked for my number.

so there, some blogworthy event. i am not being conceited, but i am also not stupid as not to know when a guy is showing interest in me. maybe he is really just like that, matinik. or maybe he's just really extra friendly.

i appreciate that i am in this phase of my life where guys take notice of me. i will not be getting any younger, and later on will have wrinkles, saggy skin, and unattractive features. but for now, thank you for the attention.

it's my life.

i am blogging this not because i don't have anything else to do, but because i think this is one of the most important things i'm ever going to write about. this is concerning my future, the path i'm going to take in this journey called life.

i just came from this compelling seminar, and i learned that 95% of the people want/wish/hope/aspire to succeed, but only 5% are committed to do so. then better be at the latter group as there is less competition! for those committed to succeed, success for them is a must.

tonight, i commit myself to succeed in life. i know that success is relative and is a meter stick set by other people. some definitions would be raking in mega bucks and a more than comfortable early retirement. therefore, it is important that i define what success is for me.

success is when i have already immensely contributed to the development of my city (General Santos City) by being a competent and effective environmental engineer and urban planner. i've written this sentence for the third time already. it was not by accident that i was dumped into this course. they say God works in mysterious ways, and i acknowledge that my being in civil engineering is one of those instances. because i am in civil, i can major in environmental engineering, which i think is what i want to do after all. just as what my mother said, maybe God placed me here to take care of mother earth. as civil engineers construct buildings, bridges, and other structures, i have to ensure that the urbanization of a certain region would have the least detrimental environmental impact. there is actually another environmental engineering department altogether, but it's still better i'm in civil because i get to be with my bunch of friends- siaw ling, edina, rotana, and sundeep - while still being able to branch into environmental.

after i graduate from NUS, of course i won't go back to my hometown straight away. i am not a fool. almost everyone in my country clamors to get out to seek greener pastures. as the demand for civil engineers here in singapore may be small, then maybe i'll go someplace else. while working, i will be concurrently doing my post-graduate studies. doing post-grad studies is not an impossiblity for me anymore, as there was this girl who was in the lower second-class honours in her final year but still got a scholarship for her master's and continued on to have a PhD. i am going to get my hands dirty and immerse myself to have lots of experience with my field of work. after i can finally call myself an expert in my field, maybe after 10 years after i finish my studies, or when i have already reached my first million dollars, whichever is earlier, i'll go back home and team up with other engineers to create whoa!-inducing (aesthetically pleasant) and of course functional structures to be built in my city. i am excited to do this as my city doesn't have any high-rise structures yet to date. maybe it is God's will that i be part of the construction of the pioneering skycrapers in my city.

so now i have these goals. now i have to take massive action with a strategy that works. take massive action, because action always produces results. do nothing then no results too, right. but results could either be results i want, or results i don't want. so i must also have a strategy. if i fail, then it means my initial strategy doesn't work, so i just have to change it. it may sound so simple, but i know the path won't be easy and i'll be faced with maybe a gazillion temporary setbacks. operative word: temporary.

but if things won't really work out the way i want it anyhow, then at least i would still be surely better off than if i didn't have these plans. i will be steering myself in this direction, and i pray that Jesus will always watch over me along the way. and of course, all glory be to Him alone.

maligayang bati

Dear Neighbor,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! i didn't know today's your birthday until i came to the cluster kitchen wearing my sort-of bathrobe and a towel, then suddenly all your friends came to surprise you on your birthday!

by the way, for your pet fish in that makeshift aquarium stationed nearest my room right, i shall call him 'papa bear' from now on. but you know what, he seems lonely because he's alone in that tiny space y'know, so i think it's better if papa bear joins all the other fishes in the fish pond beside our block.

ok that's it, i still have to figure out what exactly the cryptic message my engineering and uncertainty analysis prof mumbled on this morning.

the girl next door,
korinna

fascinating suffixes

today i was one of the marshallers for NUS triathlon, and our task was to orientate the participants to the right cycling direction. we were fortunate that it rained a bit, thereby reducing the heatiness of the sun.

yep, the italicized words are really used around here.

AROC

ahem ahem guess who's back so soon. some kind of hiatus yeah? okay, so i decided against staying overnight at the AIESEC recruitment orientation camp (AROC). it's not because i'm too lazy to, but because i'll be a cycle/ run marshaller for tomorrow's NUS triathlon at sentosa. i didn't attend the briefing last thursday so i don't know yet what i'm supposed to do. initially i thought i won't be able to go for the NUS triathlon thingy because of AROC, but i just found out this morning that i'm scheduled to be a marshaller tomorrow still, so i could still participate.

today i met many new people. *clap clap* memorable characters include the exchange girl from kyrgyzstan. actually she placed kyrgyzstan on the map for me, because i haven't heard of such a place until i met her. her country is near uzbekistan and all those other countries ending in -stan or -tan. she's the president of AIESEC local community in their country i think. then we also had a guest from canada, whom i initially thought was from the philippines because of her physical features. there was also this exchange guy from the US who emanated such confidence that i believe he would become a prominent political figure someday. students from johor bahru, malaysia also came to take part in the orientation with us, because they won't be having one of their own, if i had heard correctly. then of course AIESECers from NUS, NTU, and SMU, which are also a mix of students from different countries like china, india, malaysia, indonesia, philippines (yahoo!), etc.

there were only 3 students from NUS in my orientation group, which by the way is named PORTUGAL (yes, the country. AIESEC wanted to showcase its being global): me, kah meng, and justin. justin is this remarkable guy from the faculty of law, and i can see that he's not afraid of challenges. when we were discussing which core committee we'd like to join, he said straight away ICX, the only core committee that can give us opportunities to be exposed to the corporate world. honestly i also want to join this committee because i'd like to develop my marketing, negotiating, and interpersonal skills. what keeps me from doing so is my fear of failure. imagine having to persuade companies to sign up with our traineeship exchange programme. our seniors straight away told us we'd have to face countless rejections first. then if a company agrees to have meeting with you, you'd have to give presentations to the HR regional directors of the company. but justin's perspective is different, in that he wants to join the committee that could develop the skills he is most weak at. he said he wants to join ICX because he finds the tasks required most difficult for him. he added we're going to have to learn those skills someday anyway, so better learn them now. so there, when i submit my form for my choice of core department, the box adjacent to ICX would have a tick mark in it.

then kah meng,a malaysian who also stays in PGP. we are on the same wavelength when it comes to humor, as we were laughing like hyenas just now. i went back with him to PGP from AROC, along with natascha (his best friend/ girlfriend maybe?).

so far, i think AIESEC is a great organization and i'd like to stick with it for at least the whole of my sophomore year. by the way, AIESEC prides itself as being the largest student organization in the world (there's also AIESEC in UP dil, ateneo, etc), and i hope i can get the most out of my being an AIESECer.

flat and skinny me

i will be on hiatus for a while coz i'm goin to camp later this morning. for this entry i'd just like to say that...i want to be featured in a magazine. haha! been on newspapers and on tv (only local one, but still counts right), so my next dream is to be in a magazine, even just a tiny photo of me in one of the middle pages where nobody would really bother to gloss over will do. just as long as i am in a magazine. haha!

actually, this is just part of my once secret desire to be a model. okay, so it's not really a desire, maybe a fantasy. during the summer i became fond of watching fashion tv, admiring skinny models while they strut their stuff on the catwalk. i could very much relate to them because i too am skinny - and small-breasted- just like those models. now if i were just a tad taller, i would really wish to be like them.

anyway, so what's the problem with my being skinny? actually i have no problems with it whatsoever. i don't really care that my boyfriend's idea of a sexy girl is a fleshy, plump, chubby one (i'm sorry, but the girls he enumerated who he thinks are sexy are actually too fat for me. well, it just proves that beauty is in the eye of the beholder). before, my highschool bestfriend teased me as stick-o, and i remember being terribly hurt and i didn't talk to him for a period of time. but eventually i had come to accept that this is the way God created me. i'll always have this seemingly fragile built. my wrists are really very tiny compared to others, my legs are thin, but ironically my tummy has this tendency of developing folds of fat. people say that i should eat more because i'm so skinny and all. but when i eat a lot, all will go to the bulging of my tummy, which is not nice at all.

i will also never be described as voluptuous. my breasts will always be like that of a twelve-year-old. if one day they seem big, well thanks to this invention they call bra. i will never forget this incident with uncle leong (remember him?). anyway he was speaking with my aunt on the phone, and he told her i look cute. but then he added something else - maybe he thought i was also already near-deaf like him - and that is i should develop my boobs. i wanted to slap him you know, but i didn't, out of respect for lonely geriatric individuals like him.

i actually like the fact that i can fit in almost all of the stuff i try on. i like dressing up, and i like experimenting with my clothes. i like colors a lot, and i like bazaars that sell nice little cute things. i am not particular with brands too, and actually most of my clothes were bought on sale. i don't think i will ever buy myself an expensive piece of clothing just for the brand, when i could buy other colorful, comfortable clothes at least twice as much for the same amount. but of course, it would be nice if i could actually wear some signature clothing even just for a day, while strutting on the catwalk. haha.

low tide, high tide

for the first half of today, i was being difficult. i was being a typical of a disturbed teen who considered options that would lead to self-destruction. i was just silent the whole time during the lecture, and i didn't bloody care to be with my friends when they ate during lunch. i just wandered alone for a few minutes during lunch break. i found a payphone, and i decided to call home. er - my mother's office, actually. it was already way past 1 pm so i figured she'd already be at the office. *oh really? is that the real reason why you called the office, korinna?*

so anyway, i recognized kuya darlon's voice at the other end of the line. he said mama's not around. he asked me whether i wish to speak to somebody else. i blurted out okay out of impulse, then told me to hold. he called for someone, then i heard kuya panod's voice.

me: hello? sino to? (as if hindi pa alam)

kuya: si arnold?

me: uy kuya panod! (pretending to be shocked) bakit ikaw? (as if ayaw kong kausapin)

the rest was a haze, but some bits i remembered was that he told me my voice sounded ugly on the phone. i retorted "bruha ka talaga, nag long-distance na nga at lahat tapos pangit pa boses ko." then laughter. later he asked me whether i already got the photos he sent via email, which i already did. oh yeah, i emphasized that i was looking for my mom, because she's always offline in msn. and i called the office because it's already past 1 pm so she should be at the office already. should be a reason safe enough why i called right? then nearing the end of our conversation, i told him to say hi to ate yummy for me. he said she's around and i could talk to her. but before he gave ate yummy the phone, he said in a whisper "ingat ka lagi jan ha?", which sent me into fits of giggles and catapulted my state of melancholy to that of euphoria. so there, i was smiling on my way back to the lecture theatre for my next class.

today i'll be going for the exxon mobil campus concerts welcome tea at the ucc. yep, finding ways to get CCA points. also later will be jam n hop at the central forum with special guest mtv vj denise keller. i'm going because of the free mtv goodie bags.

XX vs XY

my pisay batchmate posted this on our yahoogroup. haha.

uniquely oliver

Look! Oliver has a nicely made bed! yahoo!

because it's unusual for guys to have one. at least that's what i've observed ever since i came here. no offense to my guy buddies hehe=) peace brudders.

pipol

i just went for NUSSU SAVE welcome tea, but left right away. oh by the way, SAVE stands for Students Against Violation of the Earth. i planned to join because i'm planning to major in environmental engineering, and i was thinking they're related in ways more than one. but i don't know, the organization's activities didn't really interest me. so i left, went to the business school bus stop and waited. luckily i bought a book. gee whiz so fun to read a brief introduction to fluid mechanics while waiting for the bus! yes, even though you can't hear it, this is the new thing called sarcasm in my voice. i've been itching to finish harry potter book 6 (thanks chami by the way), but i couldn't find the time to just sit down and read coz lectures already started. i also don't want to go around carrying the potter book coz it's so bulky. but i'll make an exception - maybe this weekend, i'll bring the book to camp. yes camp, orientation camp COZ I GOT INTO AIESEC!

anyway, so i got into A1 bus, and a chinese guy sat beside me. then he greeted me by my name. he knows me? how come? he said his name is chen-chen/ chun-chun (the vowel sound same as when you say 'uh...' during times of uncertainty or when you're trying to be sheepish). he said he knows me because we were from the same lecture group last year, group d. wow, he knows me by name but i don't remember having met him before. so anyway, it was inevitable for some small talk, but it was okay because the bus was nearing pgp anyway. the problem is, i had this big, ripe zit on my right cheek, and the person was sitting on my right. why couldn't it have appeared some other time, right or not? corright. (corright, by the way, is the proper and correct Singlish pronunciation of 'correct'; illustrates how Singlish can combine two related words, creating a new word with improved potency. Often used as a response when the truth is glaringly obvious. - Coxford dictionary).

in the bus i also met the vietnamese girl who was my bridging-mate's crush last, last year. also small talk. and she lives in block 4 of PGP! same block as mine. so now i can say i know of someone who also lives in my block.

then i went to non-ac canteen to buy dinner. while waiting for my order, there was this guy who also ordered chicken burger. then i got curious, because as far as i know, i am the only one who orders chicken burger. i am the chicken burger queen of PGP non-ac. ask the two aunties in the western food stall and they will testify to prove my claim. as it turns out, the guy who ordered chicken burger is the same guy who interviewed me for AIESEC! so yeah, again small talk. then as i left, i grimaced at the thought of me having this zit while talking to this cute AIESEC sub-com head. he already has a girlfriend - wayne and i saw him and his girl in clementi last tuesday. not surprising.

so there. the people i met during a mere span of an hour.

chicken burger time!

confessions of a teenage drama queen.

korinna is dead. or wishes to be.

i cannot cry but i wish to. i cannot let this all out because i still want to maintain a venerable front.

sometimes i cannot take this fraudulent life i am living.

i cannot imagine how immense God's grace is. that's why i'm hesitant to say sorry.

like who am i to be forgiven so many times? (which means, i say sorry but end up doing the same thing all over again). it'd be so annoying for God's part.

i feel like a teenage dirtbag (actually horse shit is a better term) among the righteous people around me.

walau. anyway, i have to go to NUSSU SAVE welcome tea.

haha. SAVE. funny. get it?

wednesday,

only one lecture. labs and tutorials haven't commenced yet so basically today was a carefree day. when i entered the LT it was surprisingly full, then i later found out that year 3 people were also sitting amongst us sophomores. the module was CE3101, integrated infrastructure project, which i think is quite interesting. the project will be carried out for three semesters, this sem being the first. we are to group ourselves into 5-8 students. of course i instantly had a group: me, sundeep, siaw ling, rotana, and edina. yahoo=) the project is about developing a virtual island and make it into a resort or whatever we desire. each of us will take in an engineering role, as what the project requires. i'm pretty sure siaw ling will volunteer to be the structural engineer, sundeep the transportation engineer, and i will be the environmental engineer. i don't know yet which field rotana and edina will be majoring in.

starting from our batch, this integrated infrastructure project will be graded. the previous years, students were taking it on S/U (satisfactory/unsatisfactory) basis, but the thing is, it was an individual project. now we are in a group, but we'll be graded and it will affect our CAP. there's always a trade-off. but anyway, the project is no doubt challenging but interesting. and fun too, i hope.

tuesday

happy 40th birthday singapore=) i also want to congratulate lee kwan kuan yew (i spelled his name wrongly, what a shame) for doing an amazing job of transforming singapore from a 3rd world country to first in a very short span of less than 40 years (according to maybeline and my SSA1201 prof). imagine!

i also want first day funk for this post's title but joseph already used it

i checked my friendster account just now and i found two messages: one from my hot researchmate JC, and one from whose parents decided to call him kiko. this is kiko's message:


Hello. You and I do not know each other, but i just happen to read your blogs posted and I admired your entries.. Anyways, congrats and keep on writing... have a nice day!


i am happy to receive feedback like this. i have an inkling that kiko from friendster and kixs from my shoutbox are one. kiko, thank you. =p

so what happened to me the past few days? monday was the first day of classes. my first subject as a sophomore was computer-aided engineering. basically we'll be using autocad. our prof was very enthusiastic and entertaining during the introductory lecture, so i have high hopes for this module. wayne said autocad nowadays is idiot-friendly, so thank God.

next up was engineering and uncertainty analysis. the first time i looked at my modules listing, i was happy because i didn't see the word 'mathematics'. but then, just like a wolf in a sheep's clothing, engineering and uncertainty analysis turns out to be level 2000 mathematics. toink! it was a grueling 2-hour introductory lecture. okay, it was supposed to be an introductory lecture, but our inconsiderate, boring lecturer rambled right on the real stuff the module was all about. i was expecting the first day of classes to be tantamount to frolicking on the shore, but our prof made us dive right deep down marianas trench. i remember being pissed and bored to tears at the same time. one senior also advised me that this module is 'cheem', and i don't know what that really means, but based on context clues i figure she means the module's sort of tough and not to be taken lightly.

then hydraulics. i don't remember much about the first meeting.

last lecture for the day was infrastructure and the environment. also don't remember much, just the usual lecture i think. but i want to like this module because it has the word environment in it, and i want to major in environmental engineering.

no tutorials yet til week 3, so we were dismissed earlier. as you can see, my mondays are quite heavy. ..it's just another manic monday..

silver

today the wyldfire youth went to celebrate with tito edwin and tita cora their silver wedding anniversary. i've been to a silver wedding anniversary once before this, but i was still 7 years old back then. aunty sally and uncle walter renewed their vows, but that didn't matter much to me. no, that didn't mean anything to me at all, except for a free trip to a province i haven't been to before. but this time, i'm already 19, and i found the ceremony truly inspiring. shamoy was even teasing me that i'm already about to cry. the truth is, it's the first time that i felt myself close to tears induced by a couple voicing their vows in public. i've always wondered why people would cry in a wedding in the movies, and now i understand.

during the ceremony, i envisioned myself being like them in the future. 25 years is a long time. imagine having someone around that long, waking up beside that person each and every day, but still not growing tired of each other. it's really wonderful too, the way they raised their children - my friends. all of them are actively serving the Lord and fully utilizing the talents God bestowed upon them. God was, still is, and will always be the center of their family. i really liked it when tita cory proclaimed what Joshua also said in the old testament: "but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord".

i also remembered the time when their whole family went to be baptized together. they were all holding hands, and it was really a sight to behold.

when i establish a family of my own many years from now, i want to follow tito edwin and tita cora's footsteps. of course i view my own parents with the highest regards, but must incorporate good values learned from other people too right...hehe=p so there.

goodnight world. goodnight to my future husband too, whoever, wherever you are.

=p

habang nasa shower, may funny thought na sumagi sa isip ko. meron kasi akong friend na nagbibinata na. itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang *wayne. paano kaya kung mainlove na si *wayne? siyempre hindi na siya yung taong usually walang reaction sa mga bagay-bagay. kahit hindi niya pa rin gini-greet ang mga tao kung birthday nila, ibang occasion to eh.

kunyari anniversary nila ng bebe niya.

*wayne: darling, ay este MY BLOGGIE (short for MY Beautiful Love Oh Gorgeous Girl I Exalt), happy anniversary! dahil jan, may special gift ako sa yo, heto ginawan kita ng yearbook. naka one year na tayo eh. o, bakit malungkot ka pa rin?

(kakanta)
Ikaw ba'y nalulungkot?
Nababalot pa ng poot,
maraming hinanakit sa mundo.

akala mo ba yan lang ang gift ko sa yo? eto o nagpuyat pa ako para gawan ka ng programs. tatlo yan ha, para i love you. isang program jan ay automated alarm clock para hindi ka na ma late sa mga dates natin...

hahaha...PEACE *WAYNE!

okay tulog na ako, may RAG pa bukas at anniv ng parents nila chin n missy! woohoo!=)

he was in aloha polos

The headline in inq7.net screams:


Former senator Roco dies





shocking news. the second presidentiable to die.

"If history will later view Raul Roco as the best president the country never had, no one will contest such a judgment," Camarines Sur Representative Rolando Andaya said Friday.


i agree.

toink toink.

i can't seem to find my purpose in life, so better CREATE my purpose before i run out of time?

Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

i don't want to end up saying i am in a course that i do not like. sure, this wasn't my first choice. for the life of me, i have never dreamt of becoming a civil engineer. but what else can i do now? go back home and take up another course? that's not even a choice. i arrived at this destination because of my own reckless driving. i take full responsibility of the consequences of the wrong turns i made.

so how? school is about to start in just a few more days, and i am ready to embark on this journey once more. this time i am going to be more careful. and this time i will choose to love what i will be doing.

P.S.

My conversation with an AIESEC member while waiting for my turn for the interview:

Chinese Girl from Science fac: So what faculty are you in?

Me: Engineering

Chinese Girl from Science fac: Majoring in?

Me: Civil Engineering

Chinese Girl from Science fac: Whoa. There are very few girls doing civil right? And not as pretty as you...there must be hoards of guys following you!

naks naman. not really. only one.

Let's Pwensterize

I find this worth reading. Quite insightful. nga pala, cute yung nag-interview kanina. sana makuha ako.

God: Hello. Did you call me?

You: Called you? No, who is this?

God: This is God. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat with you right now.

You: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy, too.

You: I don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

You: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting you to call me today.

God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this mobile phone era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

You: Tell me , why has life become complicated now?

God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

You: Why are we then constantly unhappy?

God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

You: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

You: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.

God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

You: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

You: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God: Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

You: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?

God: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks, Offering Beneficial Lessons to Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

You: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading.

God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

You: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

You: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

You: What surprises you about people?

God: When they suffer they ask, "Why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me?" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

You: Sometimes I ask, "Who am I? Why am I here?" I can't get the answer.

God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

You: How can I get the best out of life?

God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

You: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God: There are no unanswered prayers. At times, the answer is NO.

You: Thank you for this wonderful conversation.

God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know.

AIESEC

so i'm quite nervous for my interview later for AIESEC. i really want to be in this organization because this may be my ticket to the world. i have to psych myself that i am okay. as if i haven't been through countless interviews before, and have been rejected many times also...and what could possibly be worse than being rejected? so, i am okay. my inteview's at 6:30 pm.

wayne called to say that i have a team already (read previous post). haha. erm, yeah right. but if they're really serious, why not? oh, but then, if i get into AIESEC, the orientation camp is going to be on the 13th, same day as the body art competition. so how? let's just see what happens.

contest!

Body Art Competition
@ Museum, NUS Centre for the Arts

Be A Life Canvas and Win Cash Prizes!

1st Prize: $1,500.00
2nd Prize: $1,000.00
3rd Prize: $500.00


I want! I want! I want to be the canvas! I want to be the model!

it'd be so cool! for someone like me who has an affinity for this kind of art and the like...

but the contest is looking for a whole TEAM, not just an individual who would want to be the canvas...sigh.

daydreaming

my dream is to work with Procter & Gamble in the near future. it is my dream company because tita dina works there, and the benefits she and her family gets knocked me off my feet. currently, tita dina, tito aldwin (my father's cousin) and baby nadine reside here in singapore. they live here ...




FOR FREE!!! this is thomson 800, one of the nicest condominiums i've ever been to, complete with all facilities posh condos usually have. they also got a fanatstic view of macritchie reservoir from their unit. aside from their unit being fully-furnished when they moved in there, her other benefits amazed me even more. she travels a lot, stays in luxurious hotel of course, dines at swanky restaurants, all courtesy of P&G. she has travel allowance every month apart from her business trips, which can be used by her spouse, children, mother, father, brothers, sisters, mother-in-law, father-in-law, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law...that's why in the past tito aldwin goes back to the philippines almost every month, or their relatives visit them here. or the whole family goes for vacation in other places.

then when tita dina gave birth to nadine, they were able to reimburse all of the $8000+ for a two-night hospital stay! actually the whole family's medical benefits are really amazing. she and her family are very well taken care of by Procter & Gamble, and i hope that i will have the same fortune in the future.

will i be able to do it? actually this dream is attainable...i mean, if tita can do it, then so can i right? i surely hope so.

picture, picture!

PRE-DIVING PICS



diving site in tinoto, sarangani province




mama, posing in front of the camera




ate yummy wants to join us but she cannot, she's 6 months preggy with baby tweenie




ate lorrie donning the wet suit...i as well, behind the tree



PICS FROM YAMAN AWARDS NIGHT



mama and her best friend, tito glenn




tita norma, mama, and papa




mama and sfegwang (gay lingo for old) club




direk emy, emcees tito glenn and tita elvie, direk egay




tita elvie, me, ate yummy, tito glenn. i still want to slap the person who told me i looked like a geisha in this pic, even though it's true




still us, but with a brighter background




kuya arnold (panod, pani, nodnod) and i




bestfriends kuya pani and ate yummy




kuya panod, ate yummy, kuya darlon (ate darla), me, kuya weng...anime and the salingpusa



PICS FROM THE GET-TOGETHER BEFORE I LEFT HOME



kuya darlon, ate yummy, me, paolo, kuya panod




kuya panod and paolo switched places..




kuya darlon and ate yummy




me guffawing and kuya panod getting camera shy




smile!




papa getting tipsy, mama pa-sweet, paolo pogi, me gwapa haha

yahoo

yahoo! 2 reasons:

first, i already found lippy! turns out i mindlessly placed it inside my tin can of cutesy things..so there..happy happy. it actually sent me down on my knees this morning, coz i was still so disappointed that i lost it. a few hours after i prayed, yahoo, i found it where i least expected it.

second, kuya panod already sent me the photos of my vacation back home! i was all smiles after i checked my mails. will post the photos when i get back from clementi.

ta-ta!=p

halimuyak ni lippy

this is going to be really shallow, but i truly am devastated that i lost my body shop born lippy lip conditioner. it's strawberry-flavored and smells nice enough to eat! aaamf where is it? did i just misplace it somewhere here in my room? or did it accidentally fall off my bag a while ago? i was still able to use it before i went out. i am so sad. walau. i am so attached to that thing because its scent automatically lifts up my mood. arrrrr i have to find it...

tissue

a while ago, sundeep asked me what i like most about singapore. i answered : the tissue paper in their toilets. ok, so not really...but it is one thing i do appreciate a lot here. see, it's just a very simple thing - one that is used to wipe people's ass when they crap - and one which is very common around here. but the mere fact that it is so common means a lot. the mere fact that singapore could provide all their public toilets with tissue paper means a lot. i remember one particular day during my vacation in the philippines. i longed for that fateful day to come when all public toilets in my country would be as clean as the ones in singapore, and would have a roll of tissue paper for every cubicle. it's nothing grand really, but at the same time it seems far-fetched.

i have no squawks regarding my living conditions here. i eat good, healthy food (even though my mother still doesn't believe that i do eat vegetables here), my room closet is about to explode with all my clothes (yet when i was a kid, all my clothes were oversized because they're officially owned by my parents, and i don't have much clothes of my own), and i stay in a deluxe high-rise apartment-style residence with an 8-digit price tag (in SGD). sometimes i still can't believe that this is real, that i'm living what was once i could only dream of.

then i remember home, and i think, what a contrast. my meal serving back home is just 1/3 of what i usually eat here, but i'm okay with that. the serving size of meals back home are really smaller, in proportion to the purchasing power of the people there - like the ubiquity of shampoos, deodorants, lotions, and gin in small sachets sold in sari-sari stores. i remember my sister back in manila, and the ancient, bedraggled tenement where she stays.

sometimes i wonder whether singaporeans have ever thanked God for being so blessed in terms of material things. i know i too am blessed for having the chance to experience living here. but sometimes i wish my family could experience this way of life too.

one-horse open sleigh

school hasn't even started yet, and like wayne, i've already booked my flight home for the next school break. i was tempted to go for jetstar asia like wayne did, but mine's still with tiger airways. jetstar lands at NAIA, while tiger lands at clark airport. jetstar is more expensive by SGD 56.02, and that is around PhP 1800. From clark to manila, the bus fare is PhP 350 pesos, and the bus wil drop me off at SM Megamall, which is only walking distance or PhP 10 away via mrt to where my sister lives. If i had chosen jetstar, the taxi ride from NAIA to where my sister lives costs around PhP 150 by meter. Overall, jetstar is more expensive than tigerairways by around PhP 1590.

I considered the cost of going to where my sister lives because i plan to stay in manila for a few days first before going back to gensan. bonding time with my sister, and we're also planning on doing our christmas shopping together. the plane fare difference between jetstar and tigerairways is already half of my plane fare from manila to gensan, so the slight inconvenience of still having to ride the bus from clark to manila will be worth it, i figure.

right now i really, really want to live the life of a pauper after i splurged on my hair again. my plan is to spend my money in the philippines where goods are way cheaper. i really hope i can control myself this sem and not burn my money buying cute little nothings in school bazaars and the like. i still have to buy that harry potter book and mp3 player i promised my brother, among others.